I was frequently caught looking where my engagment ring used to be.     picture by: Miriam Lawton

A Change in Perspective

I couldn’t keep the tears from falling as the British Airways puddle-jumper carried me from Ndola to Lusaka. So many thoughts plagued my mind. Will I make the flight to London? If not, what will I do in Zambia’s capital for four days? Once I make it to London, how am I going to get to Maryland? Will my fiancé, Justin, still be alive by the time I get there?

Working with orphans in Third World countries has been a life-long passion of mine, and I have always wanted to work in Africa. When the opportunity arose for me to work with the Faith Orphanage Foundation in Zambia, I began planning immediately. Armed with a close friend and a notebook full of plans, we set out to distribute supplies, advocate the prevention of AIDS, and show the people of Africa that they are loved. The only catch—Justin had been sick all summer and I was hesitant to leave him.

I had never needed anyone, and I always did whatever I set my mind to. "That’s Karlene," they would say. "I wish I could be as strong as she is." My whole life is characterized by exciting and amazing adventures. When I wanted to work in Jamaica, I grabbed a friend, we planned a project and left that next summer. When I saw the Dateline special on the horrendous conditions of Romanian orphanages, I was determined that someday I would go and help out. Three years later I was in Bucharest working one-on-one with the orphans there. Nothing ever stopped me, and that was how I liked it.

Then I fell in love, and my perspective started to change. I couldn’t just do whatever I wanted. If I truly loved Justin, then I had to take into consideration what he thought and felt. In the months before I left for Zambia, Justin told me he didn’t feel well, that something was wrong. Of course I felt bad about leaving him in that state, but it was what I had to do. I was going to help orphans, and what could be more noble than that? It would be a confession of weakness to say that I didn’t want to leave my love.

So I left.

The first few days in Africa were a mix of excitement and despair. I was thrilled by everything I encountered in Africa, and I was amazed at the lives of the people and the lessons it taught me. But when I finally contacted Justin, I was devastated to hear that he had been in and out of the emergency room since I had left, and the doctors weren’t sure what was wrong. Test after test came back negative, leaving so many unanswered questions.

I had to decide if I would stay in Africa and do the work I had spent all year planning, or go home to be with my fiancé. The issue tore me in two. "They need me here," I thought. "There is so much I have to offer, and I know they want it."

But I just couldn’t ignore the fact that Justin needed me, too.

I did catch that flight to London, and I was able to make it safely back to Maryland. The doctors finally decided that Justin had suffered a case of serious migraines, but I know it was much more than that. He needed me. I know that my work with impoverished children is important, but nothing surpasses the feeling that one person needs you, and only you will do.